Is Your Relationship in Autopilot Mode?

If you haven't always had the luxury of a partner you could count on being there for you, you may value the stability in your relationship. But as time passes, perhaps you begin to feel that everything is becoming a little too steady and predictable. Your daily routine always follows the same basic pattern, which is frequently determined by obligations to your family and job. You and your partner rarely exhibit any variations in where you go, what you do, and when you do it over the course of a year or several years.

New research suggests that there might be a way to actually deal with it while retaining its shape and size if you're starting to get restless for change. You and your partner might learn how to improve your feelings toward your relationship by reviewing some of life's fundamentals.

Relationship satisfaction and purpose in Life go hand-in-hand

According to research, people who believe that their lives have meaning also express greater satisfaction and commitment in their romantic relationships. Additionally, they are more likely to "invest" time and effort into that relationship to keep it going. The so-called "purposeful partners" are better able to overcome potential challenges in their relationship, especially inevitable conflicts.

The authors also point out that relationships can give people a sense of direction in life and a reason to carry on from day to day. You might be able to relate to this thought. Perhaps your partner helps to structure your life (along with all those regular schedules), so it makes you feel empty to think about your days without them.

In order to properly study the relationship between relationships and purpose in life, a "transactional" or lagged approach is necessary. This enables researchers to determine whether Factor 1 at Time 1 (such as life purpose) predicts Factor 2 at Time 2 (such as relationship satisfaction) more accurately than vice versa. They do this to get around the "correlation does not equal causation" issue that arises in studies that only use one-time points for testing.

Observe the purpose in your life

The researchers followed their participants over the course of about 3 months in 2019 using online samples of adults aged 18 to 91 (average age 55), with 1200 of them completing both data collection points. The transactional model analysis has some limitations due to the short time frame, but on the plus side, their completion rate was around 50%. The sample included individuals who were and were not in committed relationships at the time of each test, with 874 falling under the category of "committed continuers" who stuck with their partners throughout.

The satisfaction, commitment, perceived quality of alternatives, trust in their partner, intimacy, and "investment" dimensions were also used by participants to rate their relationships. Sample questions for this last dimension, whose significance may not be immediately clear, included "I have invested significantly in our relationship, which I would lose if it ended," and "Many aspects of my life have become intertwined with my partner (recreational activities, etc.), and I would lose all of this if we split up".

Due to the setup of the design, the researchers could look at both sets of lagged correlations (purpose at Time 1 predicting relationship quality at Time 2 and vice versa). They could also look at how closely each component's changes correlated with those of the others in their model. In the end, the pattern of correlated changes turned out to be the most striking. The improvement in relationship quality was inversely correlated with an individual's sense of purpose. According to the outcome, a "sense of purpose is a primary promoter of health and well-being across the lifespan." This is in line with findings from other studies.

As there was evidence to support this direction of the model as well, it is still possible that people in better relationships find themselves better able to feel a sense of purpose. A higher sense of purpose was also associated with a higher likelihood of being in a committed relationship. Therefore, these alternative pathways that link relationship quality with sense of purpose cannot be completely disregarded. The authors also make the point that people can find fulfillment outside of romantic relationships, which may help them feel more purposeful in their lives.

Turn yourself from Automatic mode to purposeful mode

The authors acknowledge that complexity is largely a reflection of the realities of conducting research that aims to isolate causal relationships from correlational data. From a practical perspective, it might not matter which causes which, though. Why not try developing your own sense of purpose if you truly believe that your relationship is committed but boring?

The first thing you should do is go back and review your responses to the questions on the Purpose in Life Scale. Do you think that the things you are doing are a waste of time? Have you lost the enthusiasm you once had for life because of your daily routine?

The answer to a stagnant relationship may therefore lie in examining your own life to determine where it has become static. Even though it might not seem possible, making the time to rekindle your old interests and passions will be worthwhile for both your overall well-being and the satisfaction of your relationships. Sharing these activities with your partner could be enjoyable, but it's not required.

In conclusion, the study suggests that a person's sense of purpose is still a significant predictor of their personal well-being. Investigating the traits that motivate and inspire you could be the key to enriching your relationship with variety and fulfillment.